Love Lessons From Pippin
by Etaleah
Summary: A certain soldier of Rohan accepts a little help from the youngest member of the Fellowship.


The wedding of King Aragorn and Lady Arwen was the most beautiful celebration any of the guests had experienced in their lives, and considering the dark times that had befallen them of late, it was a wonderful change to be joyful and make merry again. Ale flowed, dancers whirled across the floor, for once there was more food than anyone could eat, and love was in the air.

And Éomer did not like it.

The soldier stood off in a corner next to Elrohir and Elladan with his arms folded and his face in a scowl. All around him were couples. The newly crowned king and queen, the other members of the Rohirrim who were now reunited with the wives they'd left behind, and even the hobbits- particularly one called Samwise- were chattering about a marriage to someone named Rosie Cotton that was supposedly to take place when they returned home. Worst of all, his own sister was twirling about with Faramir of Gondor.

"How can we be sure he is right for her?" Éomer asked. "The only time they have spent together has been in the Houses of Healing."

Elladan smiled and his brother put an arm around Éomer good-naturedly. "I don't seem to recall you ever having a problem with the young Steward before now. Are you not perhaps a little jealous?"

"Not at all," Éomer said. "Just looking out for her." But before he could say more, his attention was drawn to a group of young women, barely more than girls, huddled nearby. They were doubling over with laughter and in front of them was Peregrin Took, who was still dressed in his livery. He was grinning up at them and wearing an expression that made him appear much younger than he probably was.

"Oh, he's so adorable!" one of the women squealed. "I can't believe he's so little. I just want to pick him up and embrace him. Do you think he'd allow it?"

"That depends," Pippin said cheekily. He gave them a wink. "If I let you pick me up, do I get a kiss?"

The women burst into giggles again and Éomer rolled his eyes. "Look at that. Pathetic. Disgusting."

Elladan raised an eyebrow. "You still insist you're not jealous?"

"Why would I be jealous of a halfling?" Éomer retorted. "He has no chance with those women. Just look how small he is." He patted his sword at his side and puffed out his chest. "Women are more interested in strong men who can protect them." To prove his point, he withdrew his sword and held it out while striking a pose, but only succeeded in causing the women around him to make face and move away.

The twins grinned at each other and laughed. "If what you speak is true, then why are they fawning over Peregrin and running away from you?" Éomer sulkily sheathed his sword with half a mind to use it on the elves and turned back to Peregrin, who was holding out his arms like a child.

"Just a little peck on the cheek?" he begged, and the woman in front giggled again as she picked him up and kissed his cheek. He put his arms around her in a babyish pose, and at this the others squealed delightedly that they wanted to hold him too. Pippin was passed around from one beautiful woman to another, with each one holding him close to her breasts and gracing his face with her lips, and the hobbit looked as though he could not be happier. At one point he glanced over at the two men and smirked, giving them a nod.

Oh, how Éomer hated him.

"What can they possibly see in such a small creature?" Éomer growled. "And how can _he_ allow them to treat him like a child? Mithrandir and the king always speak of his bravery in battle, yet he acts as though he's barely left the nursery!"

Elrohir laughed again and patted Éomer's shoulder. "Ah, to be young and crave the affection of young maidens. Our kind doesn't seem to feel it like yours." He sighed but smiled. "Your time will come, lad." The two of them left to join their sister and the king and Éomer's scowl grew deeper as Pippin parted from the women by grinning and wiggling his eyebrows at them, sending them into yet another peal of giggles as they went on and on about how simply adorable he was.

"You must certainly be having a fine time," Éomer snapped as he walked by, not bothering to conceal his glare.

Pippin stopped and looked up, puzzled. "Why my lord Éomer, is something wrong?"

Éomer started to respond with another cruel comment, but stopped when he saw that Pippin's puzzlement was genuine. It seemed Pippin's charm was working on him, too. He sighed and gazed at the dancers and those who were feasting, all covered in flowers. "At such a fine celebration as this, even my sister has someone to hold in her arms. But alas, mine are empty."

"The twins don't," Pippin pointed out. "Frodo doesn't."

"The elves do not always feel the same needs as our kind, and Frodo…" Éomer couldn't think of a polite way to say that Frodo was depressed and withdrawn and didn't seem interested in anybody, let alone romance. So he simply said, "Frodo is different."

Pippin seemed to understand and nodded. "You wish you had a special lass to spend time with?"

"Yes," Éomer admitted. "Something you seem to have no problem with."

"Would you like me to teach you?" Pippin asked, smiling eagerly. "I assure you I'm quite knowledgeable on lasses."

Éomer drew him a little closer. "And how is that?"

Pippin shrugged. "When one grows up with sisters, one can't help learning all sorts of things."

"If that's your only source of information, you may not be of much use to me. I have a sister too, as you know."

" _One_ sister, whom you don't see very often as you've spent much of your time in the company of the Rohirrim," Pippin insisted. "I on the other hand possess _three_ older sisters that I lived in close proximity with all my life, and as that little demonstration proves," Pippin gestured to where the young women had been standing. "I have a good idea on how lasses think."

Éomer pulled up a chair for himself and lifted Pippin into another one before sitting down facing him. "All right. If you're so sure, tell me the secret to securing their affection."

Pippin leaned forward and shifted his eyes to the couples nearby. "Take a look." Éomer did. "What do you think it is that attracted Lady Arwen to the king, and your sister to Lord Faramir?"

"Their strength, honor, and courage. What else?" Éomer shrugged. "I believe I already possess all of those qualities."

Pippin shook his head. "You have to look a little deeper than that. Take Sam, for example. Do you know what his profession is?"

Éomer thought for a minute. He hadn't spent much time around Master Samwise, but had heard plenty about him from Meriadoc. "I believe he acts as Master Frodo's servant, as well as his gardener."

"Exactly!" Pippin said. "And what does a gardener do? Nurture and tend to the earth. The king is a healer who nurtures and tends to sick folk, and Lord Faramir is a gentle person with a heart that easily pities others."

Éomer blinked confusedly. "I'm afraid I'm not following you."

"Don't you see?" Pippin spread his arms. "If you want to impress a lass, you've got to act like one!"

"I beg your pardon?"

"I'm serious. What qualities do you most associate with womankind?"

That was easy. "Beauty, love, gentleness, caring, and nurture."

"Precisely. Lasses like to see their qualities in others. My sisters would go on and on about how they loved men who were sensitive and kind to small children, animals, and flowers. They loved men who were gentle; or in other words, men who could behave like them."

Éomer shook his head. "I suppose I could understand love of gentility, but nurture? Men are the ones who are strong and fight."

"This is true, but there must be more," Pippin said. He pointed to the sword. "When you wave that about and boast of all the grueling battles you've endured, it conjures up frightening images in a lass's mind of a man who could easily take advantage of them and force himself on them."

"I would never do such a thing!" Éomer protested.

Pippin wagged a finger. "Ah, but they don't know that, do they? If I may say so, my lord, I think the lasses are afraid of you."

Éomer slumped in his chair. "So I am guilty until proven innocent?"

"In a way, yes. But you can do something about it," Pippin said, and here his grin returned. "All you have to do is show a softer, more tender side of you. Show them you're a man of love, not merely brute strength. Make it so that they see you in a position of nurture, and then they will know they can trust you." When the man still didn't look convinced, Pippin pointed to himself. "Look at me. I'm so small that the women need have no fear of me ever overpowering them, and so they're relaxed. They need the same assurance with you."

Éomer considered it. "How will I do this? Especially since I possess no healing or gardening ability."

"I'd be glad to help you," Pippin promised. He glanced around and spotted a few more women entering the celebration. "Pick a lass and we'll go right to work."

Éomer's eyes widened. "Now?"

Pippin shrugged. "Unless you would prefer to have a woman's love later instead."

"All right." He studied the women in attendance and chose a beautiful maiden with long, shimmering brown hair that reminded him of chocolate. She stood off to the side, observing the flowers that decorated the white courtyard. He pointed to her. "She is the one."

"Interesting choice. I thought for sure you'd choose the fair-haired one."

Éomer shook his head. "She resembles my sister too closely. So what shall I do?"

Pippin got down from the chair. "Follow me, but keep a good enough distance that we don't appear to be together. I'm going to create an opportunity for you, and you just have to take it. All right?"

"What kind of opportunity do you mean?" Éomer asked, but Pippin had already started off. Éomer followed him a few paces behind, trying not to make it obvious that he was watching the halfling closely. His heart beat hard against his livery as they drew closer to the beautiful maiden, who was looking at him with the most amazing eyes he had ever seen.

Just as he was thinking this, Pippin stumbled, tripped, and fell on his knee. As he did this, he let out a small scream and rolled over, clutching it and wailing. "Ow! Oh it hurts, ow!" He was wearing that youthful expression again and tears were swimming in his eyes.

Éomer snorted. "Come now Peregrin, it cannot be that bad." Pippin glared at him and gritted his teeth.

"Help me," he growled. Éomer noticed the maiden giving him a strange look and immediately it clicked as he realized what Pippin was doing.

"Er- I mean, oh you poor, poor, hobbit!" he cried dramatically as he knelt down beside Pippin. "Are you hurt badly, little one?"

Pippin scrunched his eyes tight and nodded, scooting closer to Éomer. "Pick me up," he hissed. Éomer held him like a baby and murmured whatever soothing words he could think of.

"There there, dear halfling. I can take you to a nurse who will bandage you up and make you all better." Éomer pat his back and ran his fingers through Pippin's hair and feeling incredibly silly doing it. _There's no way this will fool her. Small as he is, she cannot possibly believe him to be as weak as a child._

"Th-thank you, sir," Pippin whimpered, and pretended to hiccup. "I'm scared my knee might be broken."

Éomer's first instinct was to say how ridiculous that was; he'd barely stumbled more than an inch, but he checked himself just in time. "No, it isn't broken," Éomer said soothingly. "Trust me, I'll help you make it all better."

He moved like he was going to take Pippin to a nurse, when in fact he was checking to see how the maiden was reacting. To his relief and amazement, she was smiling fondly, watching them.

"You've doing great, keep going," Pippin whispered. Then he switched back to his pathetic child-like voice. "You promise?"

"I promise," Éomer said. "Come, let's go." He slowly walked through the palace doors and around a corner. When they were out of sight, he set Pippin down. "How was that?" he asked nervously.

"That was excellent," Pippin assured him. "Now just wait here a minute so she'll think I really am with a healer, and then go back out there and be sure to walk past her and smile." He spoke in a mock-stern voice. "And no reaching for your sword or speaking of battles or politics! Speak instead about how much you care for poor little innocent hobbits like myself, and once the tension is relaxed, just be yourself."

Éomer nodded, repeating Pippin's instructions in his mind. When he felt enough time had passed, he returned to the wedding and Pippin grinned to himself as he headed off to the quarters reserved for hobbits.

"My work here is done."

* * *

Pippin was heading to breakfast in the great hall with the other hobbits the next day when suddenly he was scooped up from behind and crushed in an enormous hug from Éomer, who was grinning from ear to ear, much to the puzzlement of the other hobbits.

"Thank you, Peregrin son of Paladin!" he said. "Thank you dearly."

Pippin returned the hug. "I take it our little scheme worked then?"

Éomer set him down and put his hands on his shoulders. "She said that she had never known a man of Rohan to be so gentle and caring, and I said that of course we are, it's how we're raised. And she asked me to tell her more of Rohan, and…" He ended the sentence in a happy sigh. "I will say only that what happened afterwards was the most wonderful time I've experienced in many years."

Pippin laughed. "Well, I'm not one to say I told you so, but I did." He turned to his companions. "I'll explain later," he told them, and they shrugged and left him to go eat breakfast. "I'm quite happy for you, my lord, and not just for your sake. Believe it or not, entertaining women can become a chore after a while. I could barely walk to my room without them asking to hold my hand and make sure I didn't get lost!"

Éomer squeezed his shoulder fondly. "I shall never forget your advice, Peregrin. I must admit you understand women better than I could have imagined."

"I thought he must, with all the time he spent around them yesterday," Elladan said. The twins had just walked in and were watching them, an amused look on each face. "I take it you both have been lucky lads as of late?"

Éomer nodded. "With Sir Peregrin's help, I have now succeeded in securing the affection of a most beautiful maiden." He proceeded to tell them how they had done it and the twins laughed.

"Now that is a story of a first meeting if I ever heard one!" he said. "Although you may want to hope she never finds out. Nonetheless, I am happy for you."

"I would be more than happy to do the same for each of you, my lords," Pippin said. "If you too should like to have the company of a lass."

They both waved away his offer. "No no, we are far too old and have no need of such things, we-" They stopped short as an older woman who nearly rivaled Lady Arwen in beauty walked past them toward the great hall, giving each twin a smile as she went. They stared after her until she was gone and then slowly turned to Pippin, who had a knowing grin on his face.

"On second thought," Elrohir said slowly. "I believe we may just find our feminine sides."


End file.
